I have so much to write about and so little time right now.
Its been a crazy week at Covenant. New students have arrived and old students are returning. Ive met a gazilion people in the past week, and its been really stimulating. I wish life was always this exciting. I find the kind of work I do at Covenant to be really enjoyable, because at the end of the day I love interacting with Covenant students, both pre- and post-arrival.
Vincent and Kiko's wedding is this week, and everybody and their mother is rolling into town for it. This is going to be the biggest reunion of friends of mine since May 2005 when I got my diploma. Some have already started to roll in. My friend Cole has been back from seminary in Boston and we have already spent some good time together as he got back almost two weeks ago. My friend Julian is here in town for two weeks before he goes back to Harvard Law School. Ive got two (count em' two!) friends coming in from Africa of all places, Phil and Matt. We picked Phil up from the airport last night. Matt should be here tomorrow.
Im reading scripture at the wedding so I get to go to all the rehearsal festivities, and I get to sing some at the reception (im thinking of singing a Sam Cooke medley).
Added to all of this is the fact that I am immensely busy at work this week trying to cement all of my fall travel plans before September 1.
On a personal note, I guess you could say Ive been experiencing some spiritual clarity for the past few weeks. I wouldnt say Ive become super-Christian overnight by any means, but Ive felt a lot more peace lately about my relationship with God. And as Ive begun to reflect on some of my struggles, which really peaked this summer, I realize that so many of them took place because I was never fully committed to Christ. I was a double-minded man in a lot of ways, and I feel in my heart right now, I have finally more fully surrendered my life to Christ. I know thats a vague thing to say. What does it look like to fully surrender to Christ, and how do I know that Ive done that? I cant really explain it, other than to say I have just stopped holding back from Him in ways that I used to.
Really, the only way to go, and I mean the ONLY way, is to plunge yourself headfirst into Christ. You cant tepidly hold back, clinging to doubts and fears, reserving a back up plan for yourself. You cant have one foot in the water so to speak. Thats cliche I know, but I dont know how else to say it really. You really just have to cannonball into this thing we call faith and leave doubt behind. Its what Christ demands. He wants all or nothing.
When you think about it, TOTAL surrender is the theme of a lot of Christ parables. You have to count the cost, sell all that you have, give all that youve got, lose your soul to find it, die to live, serve only one master, take up the cross, leave house and family, drop everything and FOLLOW Christ. Anthing less than that is not faith according to James. Its wavering and double-minded, leaving a man to be driven and tossed about by the waves. Thats pretty much where Ive been at for a while. You just cant hold back from Christ, not one bit.
For a long time, I have hated the idea of saying something so definite, so concrete about faith. I wanted to appreciate faith's complexity, its paradoxical nature, its mystery and incompleteness. I thought it was necessary, even commendable, to keep a little doubt sprinkled on top of faith. I mean, that just keeps us honest doesnt it? No! It just keeps us in sin, and it makes us miserable, and it hardens our hearts toward God, and it corrupts us completely in our inner being. We must have a strong, secure, unwavering faith in Christ that does not look back. That is the only answer. We hate to hear it when we are not surrendered to Christ in that way, but it is the truth, and it only makes sense to those who have ears to hear it. And you wont have ears to hear it until you completely trust Christ without any reservation. Thats the only answer this life holds.
Anyway, enough soapbox for now I guess. These have been my thoughts lately, so Im just putting them out there.
Posted by todd at August 21, 2006 12:25 PM