My church had a communion service this past Sunday, and I often enjoy this service and benefit greatly from it, but I must say that I experienced something really out of the ordinary this past week. Im used to doing a lot of reflection during the service, and my church does a really good job of giving a lot of time for reflection because we all go up individually to kneelers to receive the communion. But my reflection is usually just that: mere reflection. I think about my sin, about my current relationship with Christ, about the past week, etc. And usually, by the time I get back to my seat, the effect of my reflection has already worn down a great deal. Its not that my reflection isnt sincere. Its just really brief, and it doesnt typically have a deep, lasting impact.
This week I noticed a change. To put it simply, I felt overwhlemed during the service and utterly aware of my own sin. But it wasnt the awareness of sin that usually just leads to self-loathing. No it was the kind of awareness that helped me to embrace the gospel more. The more my sin became exposed to me, in this awful, raw way, the more I was able to find rest in the gospel. I cant really explain it, but I really sensed rest and assurance and forgiveness, which is saying a lot for me these days. I know that experience isnt everything, and that sometimes we have to believe things that we just dont feel, but I can honestly say that on Sunday I felt it. I want to feel it all the time, and I know that in this world thats unrealistic, with the constant attacks against us. But I was thankful for this moment on Sunday, and for the effect its had on me all week. Ive been able to see Christ through a whole lot of sin and shame, and its been good.
Posted by todd at August 8, 2006 11:59 AM