August 04, 2006
Looking to the Future
Anybody who has been reading my blog for the past two weeks may have noticed that Ive been in a bit of a funk. This usually happens whenever I am experiencing personal problems, going through an existential crisis, and succumbing to a lack of exercise all at the same time. But Ive been feeling better lately.
I have felt pretty productive this week, and so Im trying to think of ways to remain productive over the weekend. Productivity clears my head and helps me get better sleep. And so I think I'll work on applications to graduate school.
Now I have applied to go to graduate school every year since 2002 and Ive never gone. And so you might say I have a bit of a complex about it. I have to wonder, am I ever actually going to go! One of my professors told me once that I have this neurotic tendency to avoid ever actually moving on to the next phase in my life. I like to get really close to moving on, but I always allow something to hold me back, some excuse (whether it be financial issues, or a desire to get more experience in some other area, or a desire to remain close to home and friends) to keep me from actually making that leap into graduate studies. And yet, I have pretty much always felt that it is something that I eventually need to do.
Well, I am once again going to throw myself out there and put a couple of applications in. My professor has to be downright exasperated with me since I ask him to fill out recommendations about 2-3 times a year! Well, at least I think I have a more narrowed down approach toward what I actually want to do.
This year I am going to apply to two schools, Westminster Theological Seminary in Philadelphia and St. Johns College in Annapolis, MD. I would go to Westminster for a masters in theological or biblical studies, and I would go to St. Johns for a masters in the liberal arts.
Now let me emphasize the fact that though I am applying for these schools, I will not necessarily attend these schools next fall. Westminster will defer my enrollment date for up to a year, and St. Johns will defer for five years! (I couldnt believe that when they told me, but its true) But I am eager to go ahead and get the application in so I know what my options are. I mean, come on, I work in an admissions office. I tell people to apply early everyday. So Im only practicing what I preach.
So why Westminster and St. Johns? Well, they are two very different schools that would send me in very different directions. And my ultimate decision will depend on what factors I ultimately find more important. Let me break it down for you. Let's start with Westminster.
Westminster is currently the more likely choice for me. This is partly because I have always seen myself going to seminary, and I havent had much time to get used to the idea of going to a two year graduate school for the liberal arts, especially since I have already emphasized the liberal arts in my undergraduate studies. Westminster would also provide a more focused path toward future studies or a career. I would probably focus on theological studies or biblical studies (or both) if I went to Westminster, and those are fields I imagine that I will want to continue to pursue more seriously after my masters. So it would make sense to get started in these areas, and not get sidetracked.
Why Westminster over other seminaries? Its funny, because I have applied to just about every major Reformed seminary and I have seriously thought that I would attend each one of them at one point in my life. I went through a big "Im going to Covenant Seminary" phase, and I went through a big "Im going to Reformed Theological Seminary" phase, and I went through a big "Im going to Westminster Seminary in California" phase. Ive also thought I would go to Regent College in Vancouver, Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in Boston, and Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY. I have visited all of these places, and I have seriously considered them all, and I have succesfully avoided them all. Each one would have been a great school to attend. But for one reason or another, I just didnt go.
Ive also thought about Westminster in Philly before, but Ive been scared of that place in times past, because of its reputation for being intellectually stuffy and a little bit too "Reformed" for its own good. I dont like ultra-conservative, Reformed circles. They are one of the scariest Christian sub-cultures on earth if you ask me, because they are typically smart enough to make you look stupid, and stupid enough to apply the Scriptures the way that they do.
Westminster has had a reputation for harboring the kind of community that wishes that the last four and a half centuries never happened because they think that life has never been better than it was in 16th century Geneva. Its that kind of reputation that scares the bejeebers out of me when I consider going to Westminster.
But I think in the end, their reputation in that area is probably heinously misfounded. Ive just met too many normal, cool-thinking people affiliated with Westminster. I just cant believe that I couldnt find a community there that would suit me, and I am already convinced that their academic standards are among the best that seminaries have to offer. I am really fond of some of their faculty, who tend to publish great theological output. Peter Enns, whom I have posted about before, is a good example.
So in the end, I could see myself swallowing my fears and attending Westminster, ultimately getting a first rate education in theology and biblical studies. But what about St. Johns?
There is only one real draw to going to St. Johns College: I get to do nothing but read great books and talk about them with others!
Ultimately, the program isnt focused toward any specified goal. They pretty much tell you up front that you shouldnt go to St. Johns for any kind of specific training in a field. You should go just for the sheer experience of it. You go to learn, and to grow as a person; to read classic books and to engage with a sharp community of learners on a daily basis. I see it as a character development program.
Part of me wants to go to St. Johns just because Ive always dreamed of getting an education like this, where I would have nothing but time to read all of the books Ive always wanted to read and where I can just take the time to reflect and dialogue with others about the deepest questions in life. I have alway felt frustrated with the American system of education, where we have to spend so much time in a classroom listening to lectures. St. Johns cuts lectures pretty much completely out of the system. You work with tutors and with small discussion groups, and you spend almost all of your time doing the one thing you would wish you could be doing during lectures, which is reading the actual books! I think this is the best style of education, and I would love to experience it in a place as beautiful as Annapolis, MD.
Im also drawn to the fact that St. Johns is not a Christian school. Dont get me wrong. I am immensely grateful that I received a Christian education, but there is a part of me that wants to branch out and expereince an education in a broader environment. Ive been in Christian college circles pretty much since I graduated high school and Ive felt a real need to experience something different for some time now.
On the other hand, I do question whether or not I could ever be satisfied with professors who could only invest in me academically, and not spiritually. I am someone who learns greatly from a person's life, much more so than from his/her words. and so I know it would be important to me that my professors live upright lives. I just cant imagine really learning from someone whose ethics severly contradicted mine. How could I respect them? I have a hard enough time learning from Christian professors that I dont respect.
Then again, I shouldnt be bound to learn only from those I respect, because thats like learning only from those I agree with, and thats not ideal learning at all. So it might be good for me to be in an environment like St. Johns and to learn from those who I might disagree with significantly in major areas.
In the end, I think I could learn a lot at either school. Both programs excite me for one reason or another, and I really do feel a degree of confidence that I am going to ultimately attend one of these two schools. I just feel that Ive reached the end of being wishy washy about it. I want to be back in school. Thats just where my heart is right now. And so hopefully, I can get this appliication process done quickly and start making some decisions come the fall.