Im the kind of guy who's always thinking about rotation and the various cycles our lives go through. Human existence just appears to be brimming with life and death, beginnings and endings, dawn and dusk, conception and delivery, etc. I am literally always thinking about my life in terms of this one question: Am I living in the end of something or in the beginning? Am I hurtling toward death, toward the end of all things, or am I actually breathing the first few breaths of a new and exciting life with limitless potential in front of me? Is actuality slipping away from me, or is the potential of all things constantly greeting me? OK, Im getting needlesly abstract I know. Let me bring it down to earth.
Certain months of the year seem like the major "ending" months of the year. These months would be December, April, and August. Certain months seem like the major "beginning" months of the year. These months would be January, May, and September. The reasons are obvious. The new year starts in January, the summer starts in May, and the new school year is usually rolling by September.
So for the past two months Ive experienced an extreme amount of rotation, of death and life, of endings and beginnings. I think in years past, my tendency during these times has been to give in to a fair amount of emotional shift. I would shift between intense melancholy and intense joy within a very short period of time, and by the time things would finally settle down in the fall months I would just become lackadaisically depressed.
This time around I feel a lot more mellow. Ive gone through some immense changes in the last few weeks. I left a home in Iowa and a teaching position at a boarding school where I spent the past year growing accustomed to the same few faces and personalities that filled my life on a daily basis. And now Im suddenly back in Chattanooga, working in an office, surrounded by the familiarity of family and friends made from my previous five year stint in this town. Being back here, amongst so much familiarity, has made my whole previous year in Iowa feel like a blip, a scratch in time. In some ways, it feels like I never left Chattanooga. But then again, things do feel qualitatively different. Im simply not in the same place I was before I left. I am simply not the same person. In many ways.
And like I said, I just feel kind of restrained about the whole ordeal. Im trying to take things in a day at at time and not get too worked up. Probably the most satisfying thing I have done so far to commemmorate my return has been to sing "Georgia on My Mind" at a karaoke bar the other night. That gave me a fair amount of emotional release. But other than that, Ive just been carrying on as if I have been in town for several months and this is just another average week. Its just business as usual.
But it has been good to sit down and reflect tonight about the nature of my life in Chattanooga, about what it is exactly that Ive returned to. What are the components that make up my life here? What is it that Im looking forward to? What are some of my goals? Well let me just break down the whole shebang into five central thoughts:
1) MY FAMILY: Long story. Lets just say Im really glad my whole family lives in Chattanooga. As individuals, they really are all people that I am excited about getting to know more, and Im glad I have the time and the geographical convenience to now do that. (And I havent always been able to say that) Things still feel so incomplete in this department. Christ is supposed to be the great reconciler of all things. So Im certainly excited about seeing more of that in my family life.
2) WORKING AT COVENANT COLLEGE: Wow, who would have thought I would have actually ended up back here. I have actually applied for the job I am doing now for the past three years in a row. This is the first time that it worked out. Now dont get the idea that Ive sat around each year just longing for the next chance I would get to apply again. No, it just so happened that each year around springtime, it seemed like a good idea to apply and to see if the door opened up. Ive always thought the opportunity to work a stable job in Chattanooga near my family and friends would be worth grabbing. And this year, particularly, it just made a lot of sense to take the job. Covenant does feel like a different place, now that Im back. And I dont mean that in a negative sense. But for some reason I have felt more like a new student this past week than a seasoned alumni. I feel that same feeling I got during orientation week that I have just stepped into a community that I am going to have to learn from scratch how to adjust to and relate to. But Im excited about it, and I really am glad to be back. Covenant has a really interesting future in front of it, and I feel good about helping in whatever small way I can to build toward that future. (I just hope we always stay, fundamentally, a Liberal Arts college. I hope that never changes. Thats my two cents.)
3) LIVING IN CHATTANOOGA: What a city! This place is beautiful in just about every way. The scenic drive up and down Lookout Mountain. The muggy southern feel during the summertime (I actually like this). The immensely walkable downtown area. The lovely coffee shops. Accessibility to the arts (I saw Dwight Yoakam the other night in a downtown concert hall! Awesome show!) The local folk and flair. I love this town. Im so excited about being back. One of the best parts about being back is just knowing I get to wake up every morning with this town at my doorstep.
4) GOING TO ROCK CREEK FELLOWSHIP: This is my church. I love being back and hearing my pastor and worshipping with these people. I hope to serve it more. I aim to serve it more. I think its very important that I step out of my comfort zone more this year to serve the church in whatever way I can. Its a church worth serving. And thats an exciting thing to be able to say.
5) BUILDING FRIENDSHIPS: I am blessed to have so many friends in this town. Since being back, I have never lacked the opportunity to be with friends and to enjoy quality fellowship. But I hope to serve these friendships more this year. I dont want to just reap their benefits. I want to build my friends up, to encourage them in whatever way I can. I dont think Ive always approached friendship that way. What am I saying? I know I havent always approached friendship that way. I have often been very selfish. So I hope to work on that. I heard a good sermon the other morning on loving people when its difficult and not just when they love you back. I think I love a lot of people because I like the love I get back. And I need to press on to the harder way of loving people, loving them in a more giving sense an in a less needy sense.
Well I have written a long blog and I havent really explained WHAT I have done since Ive been back. I dont know. Well, I had a few days of moving in (setting up my room, opening up bank accounts, reuniting with people, etc.), a week of work (making phone calls, filling out paperwork, typing emails, going to staff meetings, learning the ways of an Admissions Representative at Covenant College), spending some of my downtime with family and friends, and actually spending a lot of my downtime at Greyfriars coffee shop reading books like Dreiser's "An American Tragedy", Aristotles "Categories", and Augustine's "Confessions," and typing emails and blogging. Thats about it when I think about it. The two most eventful nights so far were the Dwight Yoakam concert (I went by myself) and Aaron Mesh's birthday party (which ended at the karaoke bar).
Oh, and I saw X3: The Last Stand on Saturday. Very disappointing. But I kind of knew it would be.