I visited a church this morning, Hope Evangelical Church in North Liberty, Iowa (just north of Iowa City.) It is a PCA church that attracts some of the University of Iowa crowd, including my friend Eric Brown. The sermon this morning was on the first chapter of II Timothy, a passage that heavily emphasizes the faithfulness of God. Specifically Paul says "For I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me." It says later in the next chapter "If we are faithless he remains faithful."
I have already expressed on this blog that teaching at Cono has put me through some pretty intense times of frustration with myself. The simple thought "God is faithful" brought me a lot of encouragement today. Its kind of amazing to think how much that simple truth has escaped me so much in the past couple years.
I ask myself the question "Will God acheive His ends with me or not?" The answer is YES! I ask "Have I botched things up too much? Will I lose my faith? Will I fail to do what God has gifted me to do? Will I waste my life?" The answer is NO! I must grasp that God is faithful. God will achieve His ends. I pray for peace and assurance in that truth.
Before I came out to Iowa to teach, I was living kind of aimlessly in Chattanooga for about 13 months. It was really the first time in my life since I started college that I just could not see the road in front of me at all. I tried to envision my future, wanting to be in seminary, possibly in Orlando or Boston. But things remained dark. Things didnt make sense and life just didnt seem to come together. I started to doubt God a lot. I doubted that God would ever make Himself clear again. I very much thought that for the rest of my life I might have to play a guessing game, and that I would end up making all the wrong decisions.
Since I have come to Iowa, things have been different. Sometimes I long to be somewhere else. I often get scared that I wont be able to last here, that I cant keep this up. But I dont doubt that God wants me here. God has given me clarity that I am supposed to be here. I have learned that He doesnt always give such clarity, and that to have it is a blessing. I am thankful for my purpose here. I just often fear that I will crumble under the pressure, that I will fail at my tasks. One of my worst fears since childhood is that I would be the unfaithful servant that buried his talent in the dirt, that I would waste the opportunities God has given me. But I think I need a better interpretation of that parable, because it causes me to forget that God is faithful. Christ is the faithful servant. He is faithful on my behalf. God will achieve His ends. God is faithful. Just tyring to ram it into my head by writing it out.
Simple thoughts I know. I appreciate your prayers.